Seasons and episodes
1Season 1 Sep. 22, 2003
1 - 1Pilot Sep. 22, 2003
1 - 2Big Flappy Bastards Sep. 29, 2003
1 - 3Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell Oct. 05, 2003
1 - 4
1 - 5The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up with a Hump Oct. 19, 2003
1 - 6Did You Check With the Captain of the Flying Monkeys? Oct. 26, 2003
1 - 7If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake Nov. 02, 2003
1 - 8Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snoot-Ful Nov. 09, 2003
1 - 9Phase One, Complete Nov. 15, 2003
1 - 10Merry Thanksgiving Nov. 23, 2003
1 - 11Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor Dec. 14, 2003
1 - 12Camel Filters and Pheromones Jan. 04, 2004
1 - 13Sarah Like Puny Alan Jan. 10, 2004
1 - 14I Can't Afford Hyenas Feb. 01, 2004
1 - 15Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick Feb. 08, 2004
1 - 16That Was Saliva, Alan Feb. 15, 2004
1 - 17Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats Feb. 22, 2004
1 - 18An Old Flame With a New Wick Feb. 29, 2004
1 - 19I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You Mar. 21, 2004
1 - 20Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark Apr. 18, 2004
1 - 21No Sniffing, No Wowing May. 02, 2004
1 - 22My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet May. 09, 2004
1 - 23Just Like Buffalo May. 16, 2004
1 - 24Can You Feel My Finger? May. 23, 2004
2Season 2 Sep. 19, 2004
2 - 1Back Off, Mary Poppins Sep. 19, 2004
2 - 2Enjoy Those Garlic Balls Sep. 26, 2004
2 - 3A Bag Full of Jawea Oct. 02, 2004
2 - 4Go Get Mommy's Bra Oct. 10, 2004
2 - 5Bad News from the Clinic? Oct. 17, 2004
2 - 6The Price of Healthy Gums Is Eternal Vigilance Oct. 24, 2004
2 - 7A Kosher Slaughterhouse Out in Fontana Nov. 07, 2004
2 - 8Frankenstein and the Horny Villagers Nov. 14, 2004
2 - 9Yes, Monsignor Nov. 21, 2004
2 - 10The Salmon Under My Sweater Nov. 28, 2004
2 - 11Last Chance to See Those Tattoos Dec. 12, 2004
2 - 12A Lungful of Alan Jan. 02, 2005
2 - 13Zejdz Zmoich Wlosow (Get Off My Hair) Jan. 15, 2005
2 - 14Those Big Pink Things with Coconut Jan. 30, 2005
2 - 15Smell the Umbrella Stand Feb. 06, 2005
2 - 16Can You Eat Human Flesh With Wooden Teeth? Feb. 13, 2005
2 - 17Woo-Hoo, a Hernia Exam! Feb. 20, 2005
2 - 18It Was Mame, Mom Mar. 06, 2005
2 - 19A Low, Guttural Tongue-Flapping Noise Mar. 20, 2005
2 - 20I Always Wanted a Shaved Monkey Apr. 17, 2005
2 - 21A Sympathetic Crotch to Cry On Apr. 30, 2005
2 - 22That Old Hose Bag Is My Mother May. 08, 2005
2 - 23Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab, Squab May. 15, 2005
2 - 24Does This Smell Funny to You? May. 22, 2005
3Season 3 Sep. 19, 2005
3 - 1Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts Sep. 19, 2005
3 - 2Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover Sep. 26, 2005
3 - 3Carpet Burns and a Bite Mark Oct. 03, 2005
3 - 4Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs Oct. 10, 2005
3 - 5We Called It Mr. Pinky Oct. 17, 2005
3 - 6Hi, Mr. Horned One Oct. 24, 2005
3 - 7Sleep Tight, Puddin' Pop Nov. 07, 2005
3 - 8That Voodoo That I Do Do Nov. 14, 2005
3 - 9Madame and Her Special Friend Nov. 21, 2005
3 - 10Something Salted and Twisted Nov. 28, 2005
3 - 11Santa's Village of the Damned Dec. 19, 2005
3 - 12That Special Tug Jan. 09, 2006
3 - 13Humiliation Is a Visual Medium Jan. 23, 2006
3 - 14Love Isn't Blind, It's Retarded Feb. 06, 2006
3 - 15My Tongue is Meat Feb. 27, 2006
3 - 16Ergo, the Booty Call Mar. 06, 2006
3 - 17The Unfortunate Little Schnauzer Mar. 13, 2006
3 - 18The Spit-Covered Cobbler Mar. 20, 2006
3 - 19Golly Moses, She's a Muffin Apr. 10, 2006
3 - 20Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro Apr. 24, 2006
3 - 21And the Plot Moistens May. 01, 2006
3 - 22Just Once With Aunt Sophie May. 08, 2006
3 - 23Arguments for the Quickie May. 15, 2006
3 - 24That Pistol-Packin' Hermaphrodite May. 22, 2006
4Season 4 Sep. 18, 2006
4 - 1Working for Caligula Sep. 18, 2006
4 - 2Who's Vod Kanockers? Sep. 25, 2006
4 - 3The Sea Is a Harsh Mistress Oct. 02, 2006
4 - 4A Pot Smoking Monkey Oct. 09, 2006
4 - 5A Live Woman of Proven Fertility Oct. 16, 2006
4 - 6Apologies for the Frivolity Oct. 23, 2006
4 - 7Repeated Blows to His Unformed Head Nov. 06, 2006
4 - 8Release the Dogs Nov. 13, 2006
4 - 9Corey's Been Dead for an Hour Nov. 20, 2006
4 - 10Kissing Abraham Lincoln Nov. 27, 2006
4 - 11Walnuts and Demerol Dec. 11, 2006
4 - 12Castrating Sheep in Montana Jan. 08, 2007
4 - 13Don't Worry, Speed Racer Jan. 22, 2007
4 - 14That's Summer Sausage, Not Salami Feb. 05, 2007
4 - 15My Damn Stalker Feb. 12, 2007
4 - 16Young People Have Phlegm Too Feb. 19, 2007
4 - 17I Merely Slept With a Commie Feb. 26, 2007
4 - 18It Never Rains in Hooterville Mar. 19, 2007
4 - 19Smooth as a Ken Doll Apr. 09, 2007
4 - 20Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot Apr. 16, 2007
4 - 21Tucked, Taped and Gorgeous Apr. 23, 2007
4 - 22Mr. McGlue's Feedbag Apr. 30, 2007
4 - 23Anteaters. They're Just Crazy-Lookin' May. 07, 2007
4 - 24Prostitutes and Gelato May. 14, 2007
5Season 5 Sep. 24, 2007
5 - 1Large Birds, Spiders and Mom Sep. 24, 2007
5 - 2Media Room Slash Dungeon Oct. 01, 2007
5 - 3Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo Oct. 08, 2007
5 - 4City of Great Racks Oct. 15, 2007
5 - 5Putting Swim Fins on a Cat Oct. 22, 2007
5 - 6Help Daddy Find His Toenail Oct. 29, 2007
5 - 7Our Leather Gear Is in the Guest Room Nov. 05, 2007
5 - 8Is There a Mrs. Waffles? Nov. 12, 2007
5 - 9Shoes, Hats, Pickle Jar Lids Nov. 19, 2007
5 - 10Kinda Like Necrophilia Nov. 26, 2007
5 - 11Meander to Your Dander Mar. 17, 2008
5 - 12A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh Mar. 24, 2008
5 - 13The Soil Is Moist Mar. 31, 2008
5 - 14Winky-Dink Time Apr. 14, 2008
5 - 15Rough Night in Hump Junction Apr. 21, 2008
5 - 16Look At Me, Mommy, I'm Pretty Apr. 28, 2008
5 - 17Fish in a Drawer May. 05, 2008
5 - 18If My Hole Could Talk May. 12, 2008
5 - 19Waiting for the Right Snapper May. 19, 2008
6Season 6 Sep. 22, 2008
6 - 1Taterhead Is Our Love Child Sep. 22, 2008
6 - 2Pie Hole, Herb Sep. 29, 2008
6 - 3Damn You, Eggs Benedict Oct. 06, 2008
6 - 4The Flavin' and the Mavin' Oct. 13, 2008
6 - 5A Jock Strap in Hell Oct. 20, 2008
6 - 6It's Always Nazi Week Nov. 03, 2008
6 - 7Best H.O. Money Can Buy Nov. 10, 2008
6 - 8Pinocchio's Mouth Nov. 17, 2008
6 - 9The Mooch at the Boo Nov. 24, 2008
6 - 10He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited Dec. 08, 2008
6 - 11The Devil's Lube Dec. 15, 2008
6 - 12Thank God for Scoliosis Jan. 12, 2009
6 - 13I Think You Offended Don Jan. 19, 2009
6 - 14David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie Feb. 02, 2009
6 - 15I'd Like to Start With the Cat Feb. 09, 2009
6 - 16She'll Still Be Dead At Halftime Mar. 02, 2009
6 - 17The 'Ocu' or the 'Pado'? Mar. 09, 2009
6 - 18My Son's Enormous Head Mar. 16, 2009
6 - 19The Two Finger Rule Mar. 30, 2009
6 - 20Hello, I Am Alan Cousteau Apr. 13, 2009
6 - 21Above Exalted Cyclops Apr. 27, 2009
6 - 22Sir Lancelot's Litter Box May. 04, 2009
6 - 23Good Morning, Mrs. Butterworth May. 11, 2009
6 - 24Baseball Was Better with Steroids May. 18, 2009
7Season 7 Sep. 21, 2009
7 - 1818-jklpuzo Sep. 21, 2009
7 - 2Whipped Unto the Third Generation Sep. 28, 2009
7 - 3Mmm, Fish. Yum. Oct. 05, 2009
7 - 4Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator Oct. 12, 2009
7 - 5For the Sake of the Child Oct. 19, 2009
7 - 6Give Me Your Thumb Nov. 02, 2009
7 - 7Untainted by Filth Nov. 09, 2009
7 - 8Gorp. Fnark. Schmegle. Nov. 16, 2009
7 - 9Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair Nov. 23, 2009
7 - 10That's Why They Call It Ball Room Dec. 07, 2009
7 - 11Warning, It's Dirty Dec. 14, 2009
7 - 12Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste Jan. 11, 2010
7 - 13Yay, No Polyps! Jan. 18, 2010
7 - 14Crude and Uncalled For (1) Feb. 01, 2010
7 - 15Aye, Aye, Captain Douche (2) Feb. 08, 2010
7 - 16Tinkle Like a Princess Mar. 01, 2010
7 - 17I Found Your Moustache Mar. 08, 2010
7 - 18Ixnay on the Oggie Day Mar. 22, 2010
7 - 19Keith Moon Is Vomiting in His Grave Apr. 12, 2010
7 - 20I Called Him Magoo May. 10, 2010
7 - 21Gumby with a Pokey May. 17, 2010
7 - 22This Is Not Gonna End Well May. 24, 2010
8Season 8 Sep. 20, 2010
8 - 1Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud Sep. 20, 2010
8 - 2A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer Sep. 27, 2010
8 - 3A Pudding-Filled Cactus Oct. 04, 2010
8 - 4Hookers, Hookers, Hookers Oct. 11, 2010
8 - 5The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel Oct. 18, 2010
8 - 6Twanging Your Magic Clanger Oct. 25, 2010
8 - 7The Crazy Bitch Gazette Nov. 01, 2010
8 - 8Springtime on a Stick Nov. 08, 2010
8 - 9A Good Time in Central Africa Nov. 15, 2010
8 - 10Ow, Ow, Don't Stop Nov. 22, 2010
8 - 11Dead from the Waist Down Dec. 06, 2010
8 - 12Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's Dead Dec. 13, 2010
8 - 13Skunk, Dog Crap and Ketchup Jan. 03, 2011
8 - 14Lookin' for Japanese Subs Jan. 17, 2011
8 - 15Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak Feb. 07, 2011
8 - 16That Darn Priest Feb. 14, 2011
9Season 9 Sep. 19, 2011
9 - 1Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt Sep. 19, 2011
9 - 2People Who Love Peepholes Sep. 26, 2011
9 - 3Big Girls Don't Throw Food Oct. 03, 2011
9 - 4Nine Magic Fingers Oct. 10, 2011
9 - 5A Giant Cat Holding a Churro Oct. 17, 2011
9 - 6The Squat and the Hover Oct. 24, 2011
9 - 7Those Fancy Japanese Toilets Oct. 31, 2011
9 - 8Thank You for the Intercourse Nov. 07, 2011
9 - 9Frodo's Headshots Nov. 14, 2011
9 - 10A Fishbowl Full of Glass Eyes Nov. 21, 2011
9 - 11What a Lovely Landing Strip Dec. 05, 2011
9 - 12One False Move, Zimbabwe! Dec. 12, 2011
9 - 13Slowly and in a Circular Fashion Jan. 02, 2012
9 - 14A Possum on Chemo Jan. 16, 2012
9 - 15The Duchess of Dull-in-Sack Feb. 06, 2012
9 - 16Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy Feb. 13, 2012
9 - 17Not in My Mouth! Feb. 20, 2012
9 - 18The War Against Gingivitis Feb. 27, 2012
9 - 19Palmdale, Ech Mar. 19, 2012
9 - 20Grandma's Pie Apr. 09, 2012
9 - 21Mr. Hose Says 'Yes' Apr. 16, 2012
9 - 22Why We Gave Up Women Apr. 30, 2012
9 - 23The Straw in My Donut Hole May. 07, 2012
9 - 24Oh Look! Al-Qaeda! May. 14, 2012
10Season 10 Sep. 27, 2012
10 - 1I Changed My Mind About the Milk Sep. 27, 2012
10 - 2A Big Bag of Dog Oct. 04, 2012
10 - 3Four Balls, Two Bats and One Mitt Oct. 11, 2012
10 - 4You Do Know What the Lollipop Is For Oct. 18, 2012
10 - 5That's Not What They Call It in Amsterdam Oct. 25, 2012
10 - 6Ferrets, Attack! Nov. 01, 2012
10 - 7Avoid the Chinese Mustard Nov. 08, 2012
10 - 8Something My Gynecologist Said Nov. 15, 2012
10 - 9I Scream When I Pee Nov. 29, 2012
10 - 10One Nut Johnson Dec. 06, 2012
10 - 11Give Santa a Tail-Hole Dec. 13, 2012
10 - 12Welcome to Alancrest Jan. 03, 2013
10 - 13Grab a Feather and Get in Line Jan. 10, 2013
10 - 14Run, Steven Staven! Run! Jan. 31, 2013
10 - 15Paint It, Pierce It or Plug It Feb. 07, 2013
10 - 16Advantage: Fat, Flying Baby Feb. 14, 2013
10 - 17Throgwarten Middle School Mysteries Feb. 21, 2013
10 - 18The 9:04 from Pemberton Mar. 07, 2013
10 - 19Big Episode. Someone Stole a Spoon Mar. 14, 2013
10 - 20Bazinga! That's From a TV Show Apr. 04, 2013
10 - 21Another Night With Neil Diamond Apr. 25, 2013
10 - 22My Bodacious Vidalia May. 02, 2013
10 - 23Cows, Prepare to Be Tipped May. 09, 2013
11Season 11 Sep. 26, 2013
11 - 1Nangnangnangnang Sep. 26, 2013
11 - 2I Think I Banged Lucille Ball Oct. 03, 2013
11 - 3This Unblessed Biscuit Oct. 10, 2013
11 - 4Clank, Clank, Drunken Skank Oct. 17, 2013
11 - 5Alan Harper, Pleasing Women Since 2003 Oct. 24, 2013
11 - 6Justice in Star-Spangled Hot Pants Nov. 07, 2013
11 - 7Some Kind of Lesbian Zombie Nov. 14, 2013
11 - 8Mr. Walden, He Die. I Clean Room. Nov. 21, 2013
11 - 9Numero Uno Accidente Lawyer Dec. 05, 2013
11 - 10On Vodka, on Soda, on Blender, on Mixer! Dec. 12, 2013
11 - 11Tazed in the Lady Nuts Jan. 02, 2014
11 - 12Baseball. Boobs. Boobs. Baseball. Jan. 09, 2014
11 - 13Bite Me, Supreme Court Jan. 30, 2014
11 - 14Three Fingers of Creme de Menthe Feb. 06, 2014
11 - 15Cab Fare and a Bottle of Penicillin Feb. 27, 2014
11 - 16How to Get Rid of Alan Harper Mar. 06, 2014
11 - 17Welcome Home, Jake Mar. 13, 2014
11 - 18West Side Story Apr. 03, 2014
11 - 19Lan Mao Shi Zai Wuding Shang Apr. 10, 2014
11 - 20Lotta Delis in Little Armenia Apr. 24, 2014
11 - 21Dial 1-900-Mix-A-Lot May. 01, 2014
11 - 22Oh, WALD-E, Good Times Ahead May. 08, 2014
12Season 12 Oct. 29, 2014
12 - 1The Ol' Mexican Spinach Oct. 29, 2014
12 - 2A Chic Bar in Ibiza Nov. 05, 2014
12 - 3Glamping in a Yurt Nov. 12, 2014
12 - 4Thirty-Eight, Sixty-Two, Thirty-Eight Nov. 19, 2014
12 - 5Oontz. Oontz. Oontz. Nov. 26, 2014
12 - 6Alan Shot a Little Girl Dec. 03, 2014
12 - 7Sex with an Animated Ed Asner Dec. 09, 2014
12 - 8Family, Bublé, Deep-Fried Turkey Dec. 17, 2014
12 - 9Bouncy, Bouncy, Bouncy, Lyndsey Jan. 08, 2015
12 - 10Here I Come, Pants! Jan. 15, 2015
12 - 11For Whom the Booty Calls Jan. 22, 2015
12 - 12A Beer-Battered Rip-Off Jan. 29, 2015
12 - 13Boompa Loved His Hookers Feb. 05, 2015
12 - 14Don't Give a Monkey a Gun Feb. 12, 2015
12 - 15Of Course He's Dead (1) Feb. 19, 2015
12 - 16Of Course He's Dead (2) Feb. 19, 2015
Creator
Creator
Cast
Video trailer
Synopsis
A hedonistic jingle writer’s free-wheeling life comes to an abrupt halt when his brother and 10-year-old nephew move into his beach-front house. 
Original title Two and a Half Men
TMDb Rating 7.452 3,070 votes
First air date Sep. 22, 2003
Last air date Feb. 19, 2015
Seasons 12
Episodes 262
Average Duration 30 minutes